How often do you go about your everyday life without wondering why to do this or that? It’s not everyday tasks like shopping for groceries or performing work activities, but rather your response, reaction to things that surround you. Do you become frustrated when a baby cries aloud non-stop, someone tossed a newspaper on the lawn or jumped in front of you on the bus? How often do you say to yourself “I’ve got to stop doing this or that”, but later on find that it was either forgotten or simply slipped past your mind?

This sort of behavior is normal. It’s a norm of life for pretty much everyone, including me, so you should not worry too much about this. The point of concern lies right on the borderline of your identity and your mind. They just simply do not cooperate and work together, for some reason they feel that each has its own path and tear you apart, dragging back and forth.

I’ve planned to do some sit-ups and push-ups at 10pm and it is the time. Would I continue writing this or drop down on the floor and do what was planned? Even though plan was made by myself and for myself, I know that I can postpone it until finishing writing of this article – in other words, I can always negotiate with myself – question is, how much of it is negotiation and plain laziness in me that moans ‘Oh, I can always do it later’.

Let’s continue. Even though you know that persistence and stubbornness will help you achieve certain things, there is very little application of them in your life. But have you ever wondered what or rather who in you had chosen not to train these or other skills that you consider valuable of having on the mind level? Have you ever wondered how many of “you” there is in you and what makes you lean towards one choice than the other?

Of course, you would say, these investigatory skills and techniques are learned by my psychiatrist, whom I attend once a year and who already helped me to deal with mood swings. This is great and in a world where others are responsible for your inner mental health it sounds perfectly valid – after all, nobody has time these days to simply sit down and quietly recall events and occasions happened throughout the week that seemed a bit odd! However, my dear reader, you’ve fell into same trap once more by blaming circumstances instead of yourself.

Reflecting on oneself is something that most of us lack, including me to some degree. What is reflection?

Human self-reflection is the capacity of humans to exercise introspection and the willingness to learn more about their fundamental nature, purpose and essence.

Wikipedia

In simpler terms, it’s the ability to examine his or her thoughts, actions and emotions and find the underlying cause behind them. It’s also the willingness to keep asking yourself questions about yourself that are based on concrete facts and be able to accurately recall events that lead to decisions that were made. Combined with persistence to go beyond the standard “how would I know?” answer to questions you ask yourself, it is a powerful way to discover your true self behind all the layers of social conditioning and “normal” insanity of everyday life.

What is it in us that reacts to shouts, “you are an idiot” responses and insults? Truth hurts, but our usual reaction to it is denial, covered by belief that so far in life we would know some things for certain, and the pain others inflict on us is THEIR fault.

Time to face facts. Everyone lives in their own world, and without understanding its mechanisms, how it works and behaves, you will only get so far. There is also a belief that we live in a single world that does not revolve around us, but in that case it would be even more so, simply because it is alot harder to understand someone else than yourself.

More to come …

“How can knowledge and action be separated? This is the original substance of knowledge and action, which have not been separated by selfish desires. In teaching people, the Sage insisted that only this can be called knowledge. Otherwise, this is not yet knowledge. This is serious and practical business… I have said that knowledge is the direction for action and action the effort of knowledge, and that knowledge is the beginning of action and action the completion of knowledge. If this is understood, then when only knowledge is mentioned, action is included, and when only action is mentioned, knowledge is included… But people today distinguish between knowledge and action and pursue them separately, believing that one must know before he can act. They will discuss and learn the business of knowledge first, they say, and wait till they truly know before they put their knowledge into practice. Consequently, to the last day of life, they will never act and also will never know. This doctrine of knowledge first and action later is not a minor disease and it did not come about only yesterday. My present advocacy of the unity of knowledge and action is precisely the medicine for that disease.”

Wang Yang Ming (1472-1529) Instructions for Practical Living, I.8a

When talking about the education, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Is it mathematical or physics formulas, learning and then “replaying” the Pythagoras theorem on the examination, remembering half of periodic table of elements and then demonstrating it back?

There are a few important questions that will be discussed through this article, and the above example is there to demonstrate the expectations of an average parent who  likes when their child gets good marks at school and disappointed /enraged when same child gets unsatisfactory results. But before punishing him or her, have you ever asked – what is it that you want for them to become, without concentrating on today’ results? Do you want them to follow in your footsteps and become someone who, from past experiences you are about to inflict, is going to punish their own children for failing their expectations as well?

“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.”

Tom Bodett

The purpose of today’ education, and many people before me have already pointed in out again and again, is to produce a socially acceptable person who has been conditioned to produce no original thought of his or her own, but who has in possession a large number of “keys” or solutions for one situation or another, that they can use to open a “door”, i.e. solve a problem at hand. They get to learn what single cell organisms are made of, what are their parts and what are its functions. They also learn how to solve differential, quadratic or higher order functions, but without any idea why they are learning all of this. The basic “why” is there – because my parents told me to study, because my teacher believes it is important for me to learn this, or because they would achieve first grade award on school’ mathematics competition – however there is no “why” answer that explains why they need it in everyday life.

One thing that may answer this question is an article about conditioning which was written earlier on this blog. Parents believe that since they went to school without asking why, so should their children because otherwise their friends and family would claim them “out of whack” with reality – after all, if so many parents have their children go to school it can’t be a bad thing!

But think about for a moment and answer this – would you rather have your child be able to learn whatever he or she needs extremely quickly, or become a walking dictionary that can recite passages from school books but without any real application in their life? This approach has shown its fallacy through increasing unemployment rates when people spend time to learn skills only to find them redundant and having to start all over again! To survive in this world your children need to understand the concepts of creating  income, of providing value and exchanging it for tangible or intangible currency. And by this I don’t mean that they need to learn how to do finances or learn an accounting degree, not at all! They need to get an understanding of how world works, what makes it tick and how to achieve things relying on yourself and others who apply these concepts in day to day life. Only after understanding what it is unique about them, they will be able to exchange this uniqueness and compensated in full.

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”

Albert Einstein

Education these days takes majority of your child’ time without giving them a chance to discover what they actually need, hindering their view of what is more important, letting them miss way many opportunities that would’ve been of more value than knowing how to do statistical equations or examining a dead frog. If you believe that your child’ future lies in finishing the school, university and then getting a job, think again. Do you want to ruin their life just as yours has been ruined by your parents? Or do you truly believe that it is the best choice that society has provided for them? If it is so then you haven’t thought about it yourself and this article won’t help because you will shrug it off from your shell of ego that is covered in society’ expectation and values.

But hear this – beneath that shell there is a core of genius that is present in everyone – and you, by coming to this blog, received a tiny crack in the shell that will let you to slowly peel off layers upon layers of all that which is not you.

Give your children a chance to discover their own purpose in life, let them consciously define purpose and be a master of their own decisions without someone telling what, how and when to do this or that. Be an inspiration instead of supervisor, be a man or a woman in a true sense of a word, practising the values but not imposing them, let them flourish and be observed by others around you, feeling how your true self helps your children discover theirs.

“Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I’ll understand.”

Chinese proverb

“Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet.”

In the information booklet.

You live everyday life by rules, regulations, idioms and beliefs that are embedded into you and you can’t tell when it happened after you’ve grown and became an adult. You accepted them after thinking along the lines of “everyone is doing it and so will I” or “looks obvious to me” without much mental effort. You follow the crowd, blending in with countless others, because it is the natural decision requiring no effort of weighting for and against and accepting responsibility for this choice.

The older you are, more conditioning you have. You keep growing more and more of those layers, believing that they protect you from this strange and dangerous world, that they describe it in one way or another. And you see other people who share those layers, concluding that the world you both live in is correct. You have an opinion about falling and rising fuel prices, best place to go shopping, best car dealership or great food, and you share it with others, finding confirmation that they are indeed important to both.

Everyone around you seem to have a family, kids and a circle of close and not-so friends – or maybe not. Your kids go to school every day, and you honestly believe that it is best for them. Of course, everyone I know, you say, does it without a question, why should I do it differently? It’s the law, you may even say, it’s … unthinkable and immoral to deprive our kids of all this wealth of knowledge that they will need later on in their life.

The problem is that you did not make a conscious choice; you let it slip and be formed for you, just like great many other things. I can already hear angry voices condemning me for all eternity to circles of hell – I am criticizing their way of life, how could I even do such a thing, you say! You did not live our lives and don’t know what we went through to get where we are now!

“Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.”

On a sign at a railroad station.

Your reaction is the focal point. You instantly came to the conclusion that I am attacking your point of view and went forth defending it without a second thought. This is a response that has been conditioned into you, and it is very well explained by Steve Pavlina in his article “What Lies Beyond the Haze of Social Conditioning?”:

“The most common way to shrink someone’s perspective is to put them into a state of fear.  Make them feel their survival is threatened.  Fear shrinks perspective.”

I am not afraid, you would say, I am just a little worried. About fuel or food prices, about the taxes or those goddamn terrorists I keep watching about on the TV? It is affecting our country; it is affecting our economy and even more so it is affecting me! How can I keep myself blind to the fluctuations and instability of the world I live in, it’s not possible and I will not risk my life and life of loved ones and be always on guard!

“For use by trained personnel only.”

On a can of air freshener.

Problem is that you are powerless to do anything about it. You cannot affect stock market, you cannot change fuel, gold or cocaine prices – you cannot even change the price of a toilet paper you buy at Seven Eleven.

Things like that are conditioned into us through continuous exposure to mass media and advertising and you do not even notice how it is done. It has become the norm of life, the de facto standard everywhere and you cannot make a step aside without bumping into one. When you drive to work and grab a cup of coffee from café, you see words written on the cap “Caution, contents may be hot”. Who thought of this stupid idea that coffee has to be cold! Of course I need a warning – after all, if I spill it onto someone it would not be my fault that they got burnt – it was clearly stated on the cap!

It is there and there is nothing you can do about it, so let it be as it is. Let these warnings guide you gently and carefully through everyday reality, reminding of dangers that wait at every step, promising that if you read and understand them, there is nothing to worry about. Submerge back into the world of no responsibility and soothing breath of air conditioner, furring in the background.

Let your children go to school to get good grades because you see your future in them, something that you’ve failed to realize in your life. Be proud of putting extra hard work and dismissing wife’s concerns about not being at home when needed the most. Keep telling your friends that you had a great weekend that was spend lying on a couch, hitting tenpin or visiting newly opened gourmet pizzeria.

And be a pawn. Not even a living cell, who strives for its survival, but a lifeless and deaf inanimate object.

But …

If you decide to change this even by little, there is a chance for you. Not everyone can be saved and I am not promising it to you. If you decide to get a glimpse of what yours and everyone else’s life around you looks like, then the best course of action will be to start noticing. Start noticing all the idiotic warnings around you, all the unnecessary rules, regulations and policies that are, like the debris, prevent you from achieving results. Start paying attention to things people say, how they say it and more importantly why they say them.

Once you awareness about social conditioning grows large enough, you will be able to change your perception of the world, but for love’ sake, do not force it upon others. Nothing has truly changed a person other than him/her, and if you have found your grain of freedom – simply show it to them. Adults will be more ignorant and aggressive towards it, but children will be its fertile ground to grow and flourish on.

And this will be only the beginning.

There are plenty of resources online that will guide you through stages you’ve never thought about, things that you never dreamt could be possible. Darkness is absence of light, and once you realize that you lived in the darkness that was penetrated by occasional rays that you never managed to notice, you will cry.

And realize that you lived someone’ else’s life, someone who was put into you without agreement or need. But those tears will be tears of joy, not sadness; joy of feeling the possibilities beyond conditioned world, the true world with infinite edges and perspectives, of which you have seen only one.